“Four Squares of Life” Diagram
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Brief Notes from Lecture

….Once the clients’ sobriety is stabilized (it seems normal to not use instead of use) and once the immediate pinch of their consequences subsides (court fines, attorneys’ fees, and job or marriage jeopardy lessen), they are better able to face the Big Questions:

• “Who am I?”
• “Why am I alive?”
• “What should I really do with my life?”

To aid these group members in arriving at answers, I first help them see the Big Picture by drawing this diagram on the board: 1

The Four Squares of Life

In eight micro-lectures (summarized below), I explain each of the phases in sequence, starting with the ADDICTION ARROW showing how persons can become:

1. Disconnected spiritually as we grow up (although we are born spiritual, we come to believe spirituality exists outside ourselves), then we may experience…

2. Damaged emotions (hurts, betrayals, shame as we grow up), leading to…

3. Distorted thoughts (lies and misperceptions due to hurts/betrayals/shame), at which time Drugs may enter (age 10-18), therefore leading to…

4. Diseasing the body due to the cycle of use/abuse/dependency, until Denial develops and Disaster looms…

At which time a Decision to CHANGE is required

or injury/insanity/Death is inevitable …

???

CHOICE (health, serenity) or NO CHOICE (doom, chaos)

Assuming the person makes a healthy choice, that being to abstain and stay sober, I move the lecture to the RECOVERY ARROW showing…

5. Return to physical health, because toxins no longer are entering the body — thereby freeing the person to…

6. Replace distorted thoughts (lies, exaggerations, and all-or-nothing thinking) with new realistic thoughts that match reality, allowing them to…

7. Restore positive feelings (improved moods) by identifying and facing guilt and resentments (resent = Latin for refeel), and relying on methods such as the 12 Steps of AA, biblical promises and commands, and numerous useful therapies to disempower the old damage, which then leads to….

8. Reawakening of the person’s spirituality and revival of one’s love for self and others based on trust in a revised worldview that empowers and reconnects the individual.

This crucial last square (#8, Spirituality in Recovery) is where the benefits of living with a new purpose are emphasized. “Spirituality is 100 percent essential to your recovery,” I tell them. “So, how do you know if you are living a spiritual life?” I usually wait for an answer amid silence. After a few seconds, I add, “You know you are living a spiritual life when your life has meaning.”

I quickly put aside the words “God” and “religion” by drawing a small box in the corner of the board and “parking” the words there, and micro-lecture #8 continues.

In the next 20-to-30 minutes, I cite examples of meaningful lives and describe the benefits of living authentically (genuine satisfaction and boosted self-esteem as well as acting consistently with one’s values). I next introduce the importance of pursuing one’s purpose, and some ways to identify and verify what it can be (often a long and tricky process!). I speak of the need to set goals that will accomplish that purpose, the joys of “stretching” to achieve those goals, and I suggest healthy ways to celebrate one’s successes.

I return the focus back to seeking one’s life purpose and then tell dramatic vignettes of individuals who pursued great purposes in their lives — stories about Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, and Martin Luther King Jr. who, in serving others despite overwhelming obstacles, made huge contributions. The idea is to live out a dream so big that you will get to see amazing miracles…and to reap the satisfaction of living a much happier life by gaining meaning from fulfilling your life purpose.

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1. Original diagram credited to John MacDougall, Hazelden Recovery Services.